Rain with gradual clearing

Man, this morning was a bit of a surprise after the weekend, wasn't it? Still and all, it turned into a nice day later, and I got to take a walk through the U District this afternoon in the sun, so there's not too much to complain about. (I took a severe hit to my geek cred, though - I was wandering around looking for the Wizards of the Coast game store, which even Otis knew had moved out long ago...)

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I've tried to update the blogroll and linkage a little bit. These are all on the sidebar, but let me point out some changes, additions, and deletions:

The Full Belly Project is now Little Spark. New name, same great mission from Johnbai and O. Check it out for the latest.

Reality Mom Zine has been added to the linkage: this is the zine run by Otis's pal RealityMom (and thank you, Capt. Obvious). If you have little one, or are thinking of having little ones or just like to read about moms and dads and kids, this is a spot for you.

Also new on the link list is Juliet Anderson, Architect, for all your, um, architectural needs, I imagine.

There are some missing links - I think Soapy has a couple of photography sites that aren't here (I finally got around to deleting striped fries) and I might have missed some others. Just lemme know, okay?

I added a few blogs from members of the gang and absent friends, and deleted some cobwebsites, too (where have all the tramps and spivs gone, Scotty?)

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I attended a great training session yesterday, perhaps the best in-service I have done in a long time, if not ever. Michelle LeBaron from UBC came down to lead some activities on conflict management - which is how she terms the actuality that we face whenever we try conflict resolution, since many conflicts are not resolved, but merely dealt with.

In the limited time that we had, we explored her concept of the layers of conflict. Many conflicts start out at a material level - a competition for scarce resources, for example. We tend to respond to these with creative thinking and problem-solving skills, which work - as long as everyone is on the same page.

As these approaches frequently don't work, we have realized that often the problem is actually transactional - that is, although the conflict may be resolvable, our communication around finding the solution has become the actual or immediate problem. This is when we apply those skills like active listening, using I-statements, and so on: to try to get past the confounding communication difficulties so the underlying conflict can be addressed.

But what LeBaron has identified is a tertiary layer of conflict, the symbolic. This is the case of a disconnect in the basic perception of reality between two parties creating or exacerbating conflict. When the very metaphors we use to make meaning of the world are at cross-purposes, or when our concepts of our own identity become entwined in a struggle with another, or when the grand narrative to which we adhere tells a different story that someone else's - those conflicts cannot be resolved with creative problem-solving or communication skills. It takes some kind of shift in perspective - some kind of a-ha moment that lets you really see things from someone else's point of view - in order to even recognize what the conflict truly is, much less take any steps to manage it.

What I may see as a simple struggle for control over resources, no big deal, nothing personal, may in fact be very important to someone else in a way that I can't imagine. When I want to re-load the dishwasher to pack it more efficiently, my narrative may be merely "I am better at spatial relationships so I should do this." I cannot even understand why it might create a conflict, because I can't see that someone else's narrative may be "I need to prove myself as capable of simple domestic chores." Only if I really understand that perspective can we begin to manage that conflict.

I think I got so much out of this training session because it fed into concerns and questions I have been trying to address in my personal life, specifically, seeing the world in a different way and trying to make situations I encounter better rather than just winning or proving myself right. Oddly enough, my character change in our current D&D game reflects this preoccupation of late; I'm trying out in the game approaches that I think might actually be valuable in the real world.

So, here's to all of us having both the wisdom and the fortitude to manage our conflicts wisely and well.